Bedtime Solutions for Pre-schoolers
As a parent do you dread bedtimes, knowing it can drag out for hours stretching your patience to the limit, encroaching on much need ‘down time’ in the evening?
Did you know Baby and Beyond is not just sleep support for babies, Kerry and I are also trained and experienced in supporting sleep with the 3–5-year-old preschool child.
There are a variety of reason why sleep in this age group can become difficult, or perhaps has never consolidated from their toddler years. A child may be more aware of family dynamics i.e., moving house, a new sibling, stress or a breakdown in the parent’s relationship leading to transitioning between two homes. A pre-schooler may be beginning or increasing hours in childcare or changing to a different childcare provider. Another important factor is that from three years most children have dropped the daytime nap which can set them up for overtiredness and hyperactivity around bedtime.
And as every parent knows- there is a link between a child’s lack of quality night sleep and daytime behaviour and resilience. And not just for our little ones- their sleep antics have a flow on effect to parents who can feel exhausted and frustrated with the impact it has on their evenings and night sleep.
Typically, bedtime behaviour falls into two categories- the rascal vs the anxious child. The rascal or ‘little monkey’ is the high-spirited pre-schooler who views bedtime as an extension of playtime fun and games. They enjoy the interaction with (exasperated) parents, and have every excuse under the sun to not be in their room, there is a tendency for this to be boys. The anxious or stressed child is one who genuinely is needing more support and reassurance to settle at bedtime. Their tears and distress are real, and they may name things that they are feeling frightened of e.g., the dark or monsters. Pre-schoolers need a lot of sleep; they are not little adults and therefore need more sleep than we do- around 11-12 hours overnight. A good bedtime routine will help settle them down from a busy day and prepare their body for sleep. Bedtime tantrums are a response to frustration and over tiredness and not being able to understand the feelings they are having. The more tired they get the higher the chance of a tantrum and defiance can set in.
A great tip from Kerry is to try and avoid power struggles and ultimatums at this time of the day, when everyone is frazzled. Pre schoolers respond well to choices but not too many, and the more spirited child needs to know that the adult in their life is actually in charge. This might look like, “In 5 minutes it will be bath time, do you want to bring your doll OR your dinosaur into the bath with you.” Instead of, ‘Do you want a bath today?”
During the preschool years and beyond a child’s imagination is developing. For some, fears of the darkness, monsters, things under the bed or a scary story may hover in their thoughts at bedtime increasing anxiety. Bedtime can be viewed as an opportunity to empower a child with self-soothing skills and less reliance on parental support. They are learning to regulate their own emotions, of fear, concern, upset and anger, with parents coaching them in soothing skills that will be of benefit not during the preschool years, but lifelong.
This is where a Baby &Beyond Sleep Consultant can provide a comprehensive assessment looking at what is happening at bedtime or overnight that is specific to your child and their temperament. We will be partnering with you to make a Sleep Plan that takes all the factors into consideration, as the methods we choose are quite different depending on the child and underlying factors.
QUIET- TIRED- RELAXED
Keep this as a mantra in your mind- the parent’s goal at bedtime is to create an environment that will help produce a state in which the pre-schooler is – quiet, tired and relaxed.
Let their body clock (Circadian Rhythm) work in your favour as pre-schoolers get a melatonin surge (sleep hormone) about 30 minutes before bedtime, this makes it easier for them to settle in bed and sleep well if this is acted upon. We can trick their bodies into producing a melatonin surge when we want it by dimming house lights about 15-30 minutes before bedtime. Don’t wait until bedtime to shut off the lights., if necessary, cover windows to reduce natural light. During the 15-30 minutes between light dimming and bedtime do quiet activities together. A bedtime box with stories, puzzles, blocks, drawing and songs are great. As much as your sanity allows- no tv’s or screen time for at least an hour before bed is also beneficial.
There are many ways to support a child’s soothing and self-settling skills, and what you come up with will depend on what you know will engage your child’s interest and cooperation. Having a regular bedtime and routine i.e., bath, stories, favourite song all contribute to a relaxed atmosphere. Other common suggestions are- a Sleep Rules or Rewards Chart, familiar prayer, relaxation story, songs or white noise playing quietly. Snuggles and kisses with a toy or cuddly, magic sleep spray in a small bottle, glow stars on the ceiling might be calming. This is where fairies, super heroes, and of course Paw Patrol can instil courage to anxious minds, there is nothing like a Sleep Fairy or Super Hero and their magic spray to soothe a little one’s mind drifting off to sleep! One of my children had a small ‘bravery kit’ with reassuring items in it, each bedtime we would take these out and talk about how they helped her feel safe and sleepy. The benefit of all these is that they are free or very low cos. Some parents have success purchasing a Gro Clock, or a comforting Sensory blanket, lavender in a diffuser in the room or other sleep prompting oils can be tried. As a Sleep Consultant I find it a really fun age group to work with.
Here is how one mum I coached got really creative with making bedtime fun and relaxing for her four-year-old.
A Sleep Package from Baby and Beyond can be provided as Phone Support with a written Plan or a Bedtime visit where we help you implement the strategies in the Plan. A home visit can be very effective, as parents need support if they are exhausted by months of bedtime shenanigans. Having a calm experienced consultant present in person or by phone gives confidence and improves parental resolve. As I at times say to parents during a bedtime visit- there is one 3-year-old and three adults- I know we can out smart them!
Compiled by Janferie Dewar – Baby & Beyond Sleep Consultant, Registered Nurse and Breastfeeding Educator